|A submissive needs training|
As the title indicates the focus of this discussion is on submissive females. That doesn't mean that the concepts presented here are any less valid or applicable to training a male submissive. I have simply consciously limited this conversation to "male led," male/female D/S relationships since that is where my personal experience comes from.
I have made no attempt to write this from the perspective of the submissive or the dominant. This treatise on the topic of submissive training is general and is intended to be useful to both.
Significance of Training
Submissive training is not optional. Without training, a D/S relationship will not succeed. Submissive females by nature are motivated to please their dominants but they aren't mind readers. If a dominant expects to get successful results from his submissive and to have his needs met, he must provide her with a standard of proficiency to meet and must teach her the skills and behaviors needed to meet the standard. That is where training comes in.
In addition, for a D/S relationship to work, the dominant must be actively controlling the submissive. Training is by its very nature an act of authority and dominance and a tool that every dominant must take full advantage of in establishing his dominance and control over his submissive.
The Elusive Training Guide
Few things in the lifestyle are as little understood by those new to D/S as submissive training. If you have ever searched the Internet or books on BDSM for information on how to train a submissive I'm confident that you will agree that it is difficult if not impossible to find anything resembling a submissive training guide, a book or web site that explains step by step how to go about doing it. That can seem to be ironic since it is information that undoubtedly many people would like to have. The truth is however it isn't really ironic at all. There is a good reason such a guide doesn't exist. There is no one-size-fits-all recipe for training a submissive because every dominant and every submissive is a unique individual with different needs and desires. Even if you could find one, you should never try to use someone else's training program. It just wouldn't work. Each dominant must develop his own program, one that suits him and his submissive partner best. What I hope to accomplish here is to provide a useful framework or outline for submissive training that can be used as a basis for developing an effective, personalized training program.
Submissive training is not some mystical practice requiring some specialized knowledge unavailable to the uninitiated. A dominant with training skills obtained from past experience in military service, educational endeavors, or the business world can put those same skills to work in training a submissive. Even a dominant that lacks such experience can still be successful if he is willing to put out the effort to acquire and develop training skills.
Basics of Submissive Training
Training a submissive can be defined as the process of bringing a submissive to an expected standard of proficiency in particular practical skills and types of behavior by practice and instruction. It is the dominant, as the person in authority, who must establish and define what that standard of proficiency is. To do that, the first step in developing a training program is for the dominant to understand his definitive goal. "My submissive should please me at all times" or "My submissive should have sex with me whenever I want it" might sound like worthy goals to some but those examples are too abstract. An ultimate goal for submissive training must be more specific. In other words the dominant must have a clear idea of what practical skills and types of behavior his submissive must have to meet his standards for pleasure and obedience and then he must devise the methods of instructing her so that she attains the standards of proficiency he expects.
The dominant is responsible for setting training goals and for supplying the necessary motivation to the submissive to meet those goals. Before he can properly train a submissive, a dominant must have a firm understanding what he wants from a submissive. He must have a well-defined concept of what he intends to accomplish with a training program and ideas on how to implement it effectively. A submissive female may be submissive by nature, but she becomes a submissive in the sense of the D/S lifestyle only through the efforts of her dominant in teaching her how to please him. There is no quick fix or short cuts. Effective training is the only means of providing a submissive a clear path to follow in learning to be obedient and pleasing.
The concept of submissive training can be subdivided into four principal phases;
- Assessment Phase
- Planning Phase
- Implementation Phase
- Evaluation Phase
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